BrideBlog – Advice from a Recent Bride

Lessons learned from my wedding

April 16th, 2007

While just over a year has passed since our wedding (Happy Anniversary to us!), it occurred to me that I never posted the advice/lessons learned that are in my knot bio in this blog.

Here they are, maybe some of these pointers will keep some future bride from making any of the same mistakes I did!

1) Stand your ground

My hippie parents couldn’t for the life of them understand why I wanted to hire a videographer or even why I wanted such a “traditional” wedding to begin with. They enjoyed themselves at my wedding more than anyone and were the first in line to ask when the video was coming in! Throughout the whole planning process they pooh poohed many of my decisions, it was painful at first especially when you really want their support and instead they question every decision. Then I decided to look at from the perspective that part of getting married is separating from the nest (even if you haven’t lived in the nest for a while!). Not to get all psychological, but I think its kind of a natural and healthy process to learn to stand on your own that way – or at least that is a good way too look at it because it keeps you from getting down about it. And in the end they will probably have the best time of their lives!

2) If you’re having your wedding outdoors, make sure your reception decor that you chose for outside will also look good in your back up location if it rains.

Our back up ballroom was ALL white which thankfully looked great with our deco green and pink reception theme. Had I gone with hot pinks and oranges like we originally were going I think it would have looked out of place in the ballroom and I would have been even more upset about having to move the reception indoors due to weather.

3) Don’t take on any last minute coordinating tasks in the days leading up to your wedding.

The day of my rehearsal dinner my bridesmaids decided they wanted to get mani/pedis with me where I was going. I ended up coordinating 6 mani/pedi appointments for which I was the main contact. That day when people decided to cancel or were late I was getting calls from the salon every 10 minutes and it was a HUGE amount of stress I didn’t need. If you all want to do this together ask your BMs to make their own appointments and make sure you ask about the cancellation policy.

4) If you’re cycle is pretty regular and you can calculate it out a ways try NOT to book your wedding for when you will be PMSing or having your period.

Enough said.

5) SCHEDULE a nice quiet time with your Bridesmaids to give them your gifts – and don’t wait until your wedding day.

I thought I would give it to them the day of when we were getting dressed and “waiting” to have our pre-ceremony pictures taken. Well we were running late and I pretty much had to throw the gifts at them as I was leaving to go have our first glance pictures taken. It definitely took away from the moment.

6) Hire a coordinator if you can possibly afford it. This also gets filed under “don’t believe your catering manager when they tell you you don’t need to hire a coordinator because they will handle it.”

This one amazes me. I know our venue tells perspective brides that they will handle all the details. My catering manager didn’t even show up the day of my wedding! Not only that, but we had a whole contract with all the necessary details that the banquet manager had in his possession, but still managed to screwed up just about everything that was on it. If it hadn’t been for my coordinator, there would have been NO one there who could advocate for me and get things set up the way she knew they were supposed to be. She spent almost the whole day running around putting out fires the hotel started and I can’t even imagine what would have happened if she hadn’t been there!

7) If you have a lot of OOT guests, consider inviting them to the rehearsal dinner if you can afford it.

We invited all of our OOT guests to our rehearsal dinner (which we called “welcome” dinner) and it was one of the best decisions we made. It allowed our guests to get to know each other before the wedding and have more fun that night and also allowed us to spend time greeting guests the night before so we could also relax and have more fun the night of the wedding.

The devil is in the details..

In this case I was the devil! I really obsessed about every little detail from programs, to favors, to guest book, invitations etc. Though my friends and family thought I was nuts during the planning stages, the day of everyone commented on how all the little details were beautiful and special. It made everything worth it! Even if no one else understands why you are obsessing, just don’t talk about it with them and do it for yourself. Even if no one had noticed I would have known and it made it more enjoyable for me and I felt like I brought our personalities and style into the wedding which is priceless. When the videographer and photographer both told me I should do this professionally, it made all the long nights of designing, printing, cropping and tying bows totally worth it!

9) Have back up plans for unknown factors:

We hired someone to DJ our cocktail hour. I had a suspicion that they didn’t quite get what type of music I was looking for so I brought a mix CD I had of things I liked. We ended up using my CD, I don’t think I need to say more.

10) Hire the best photographer you can afford even if it means skimping on albums or prints.

When all is said and done, photo and video are all you will have to remember your day. The images themselves are what’s important. You can always have an album made later, but you can’t get a fabulous photographer to reshoot your wedding!

11) If you care about your guest book, make sure you have someone who takes this responsibility seriously and is not shy to be in charge.

We did a Polaroid guest book and I asked a close friend of mine to be in charge of it. The guest book was one of my favorite things from the wedding, the polaroids made everyone look glamorous and it was so much fun to look through the next morning. I heard from guests later that my friend Ben was really persistent about gently reminding the guests to sign the book. I’m so glad he did!

12) Look over your contracts very carefully.

For some reason in my contract It said 3 boutonnieres for Groomsmen and we needed 4. I totally missed it, fortunately my florist was still there setting up and was able to improvise, but again, I got lucky.

13) Make sure you can walk backwards AND forward in your dress

Sounds silly, but we did a choreographed foxtrot for our first dance and while I had no problem with the forward steps I couldn’t step backwards without stepping on my train!

14) Have extra cash on hand for tipping

Even beyond what you think you’ll need. We hired a 4 piece band but they sent 5 members. Also the catering manager procured us chair covers on a Sunday for free with no advanced notice so we wanted to give him extra. You never know what will happen the night of your wedding so having a little extra cash on hand for service that is superior is a good idea.

15) Find an officiant that you LOVE and who shares your values.

This is something so often overlooked but really, the ceremony is what its all about. I was guilty of this as our officiant was one of the last vendors we hired. Once we found him and “clicked” with him so perfectly, we both realized how priceless that is and couldn’t believe we didn’t place more empahsis on it to begin with. When everyone’s hearts have been opened by a moving, touching ceremony you FEEL it for the rest of the night and it sets the stage for a warm, celebratory experience.

Thats my advice for what its worth. And if you’re planning a wedding and haven’t read Sulla’s tips yet (which are far superior to mine), do yourself a favor and read them!

Entry Filed under: Advice, Tips